BLINDED BY LOVE… and the lessons it leaves behind.

Love can be beautiful—but also painful. Part 1, Chapter 10 of Until My Dying Day shares how we lose ourselves in relationships that hurt. It also highlights the strength it takes to hold on to who we are.
We often ignore red flags, rationalize disrespect, and confuse lust for love. But real love? It’s not a game. It’s a commitment. And it starts with knowing ourselves.
This chapter ends with a dream—a right hand, open and raised. A sign of blessing. And I believe that even in heartbreak, there is a blessing. In truth. In growth. In letting go.
“All relationships are lessons—not to grow in height, but in strength.”
BLINDED BY LOVE…Part 1, Chapter 10
REPEATED OFTEN IS THIS: love is a hurting thing, and it sure is. We wonder why we put ourselves in the position of being hurt. We also wonder why we keep accepting their treatment of us that hurts. Additionally, we question why we accept their actions that show disrespect for our dislikes. On contemplating these possibilities, it becomes clear. When our desires take over, we lose our sense of self-worth in the battle for sanity. All we see before our needs are met through the insanity of our mind; we logically rationalize what is wrong as right. It takes strength to not only let go of one’s emotional hurt that causes us to act insane but to maintain one’s true character.
Love, no doubt, makes you feel happy, and from within, it shows on the outside. The contentment felt and the self-confidence gained from the other believing in you and what you stand for is like a flame that keeps your energy flowing. But love is also painful. It is stressful. Yes, getting to know someone is a task as it is a joy. It is a joy from the little games played just to see how the other would react, and stress from habits the other has that irritate you.
Being able to recognize lust—a strong desire to possess and enjoy, or love—a strong feeling of affection, or passionate devotion, is important. Taking time to examine the feelings of the differences is crucial to one’s happiness. Make no mistake: Come see me and live with me are two different situations. Another, what you see is what you get. For years I have watched my sister’s relationship with her husband and felt for her the loneliness she must feel, though her emotions she hid “like mother like daughters,” goes the saying [as mother was the same]. My observation has concluded that perhaps she appreciated the little moments they shared more than worrying about his absences. Perhaps, life is to live this way— acknowledging that nothing is forever, except for the air we breathe; appreciating the time spent, short or long, the conditions—good or bad—we treasure, taking something learnt with us.
A television show called The Maury show. It is a show that interviews partnerships, among other topics, and repeatedly shows how people will lie to one another to keep the person or break up another’s relationship. Jealousy, which is often triggered by another’s actions, is not always a sign of weakness. A person incited to jealousy is one fit in mind and body who doesn’t necessarily care about the result of their reaction. Truths are only being revealed because of guilt of having kept a secret from the person they “claim” to love, friends with or doubt of the other’s sincerity; that truth is sought by either a DNA test or a lie detector test. Sometimes, the outcome hurts the individual seeking the truth, and their actions are often deplorable.
Yes, there is no avoiding hurt in any relationship, and it hurts even more when your family betrays your love or trust. Remember that all relationships, whether business, romance, or mare friendships, are a learning experience for us to grow—not in height, but in mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual strength. As never before, there are many books written, as there are talk shows, such as Dr. Phil, that give advice on relationships. Relationships today are likened to looking for a job. Remove the blinders, so speaking, check the other’s lifestyle and compatibility with yours, even family inherited diseases—yes—preparedness is important down the road of growth together. Some of these things are overlooked in many cases due to our love or fascination felt for the person. Before entering a relationship that eventually hurts or destroys you, think things through. Marriage is not a game; it is a commitment to another of your deep emotional feeling, called love.
To conclude, be mature of mind when entering a marriage relationship. It is a commitment for life—not a game, to cause some other significant one’s jealousy; each one needs to be there for the other in sickness, in health and in love.

Summer changes the City of Toronto dramatically. It’s often called the “City of the Dead,” a saying mostly heard from foreigners. In summer, it becomes the city of the living. This is the start of all kinds of festivities, such as the Jazz, R&B festivals, street parties, and family barbecues, all leading up to the Caribbean festival and then to the Canadian National Exhibition, which reminds us that it is the end of another summer.
I awoke from a dream; my body felt hot under the covers. I had not yet looked through the window to see the beginning of the day. One that told you from the sun’s illumination would be a hot and dry day. I removed the covers and turned on my cell phone. After a minute, the phone began to ring. I picked it up and looked at the display to see who it was, but the ring was calling my attention to messages. I dialed the code that would allow me to retrieve the messages. One was from my sister, Monica. She called to find out how I was. The message was deleted, and another was retrieved. I put the phone on the table next to where I lay. My sister’s message replayed in my thoughts. I smiled and said aloud—families. I rolled over unto my back and folded my arms under my breasts. Again, I smiled as the image of a conversation with Gerry about his family crossed my thoughts. A sound of laughter escaped from my closed lips as I pondered on our conversation and thought that through families, we really discover how deep our love or how strong our resentment of them can be or how their support gives us the energy to push forward toward our goals.
It was during a week in April when my cousin Annette called to inform me that she would be visiting for the day. She could do so because she lived closer to the border that separates the U.S. from Canada. When they arrived, it was after twelve noon. It has been a while since I had seen Annette or her family. Annette and I were like twins growing up; we did and visited most places together. One day, Annette had me playing with poison ivy. I had no clue it would later leave me scratching the daylights. Annette laughed and thought it was funny, but I was a bit annoyed to the point of getting some more and rubbing it all over her, but then I thought that if I did, this would mean having to endure the itching all over again, so I declined. Another day while playing under the bed, I got on top of her. It was just as a mother would her child while she speaks or plays with her. It was a position I had done with Debra-Ann as I played with her on the bed during a vacation in Florida. It was my last memory of her as a child. Cicely came into the room and caught us in that position. Years later, it was known that Cicely hung up on a feeling that had she not entered the room when she did, of something else about to happen. Our thoughts are funny; they can cause us to jump to wrong assumptions about others, as it cause us to doubt our own abilities and sense of self.
The door opened to the sound of their voices before they could knock—yes, this was my family, noisy as their known to be. Annette, her new husband, her son, her daughter, and her daughter’s friend entered the apartment. She introduces her husband for the first time. Annette had remarried since we last saw each other. Her first husband, after their divorce, married her older sister. Few in the family approved of it, but their intentions worked out well for many reasons. Her new husband is Irish and Italian, the same age as her, but he looks a bit older. The fact that he was mixed, I thought, could not be all bad. I have had my share with the Italian culture and found some of them to be loving, cruel, deceptive, and know how to buy their way in and out of situations. They brought out the best and worst in me; therefore, I would rather keep my distance from some of them.
Annette was now a homemaker, looking a bit older, as I do, and had put on some weight. I was surprised to see her looking as she was—tired—but found out as we spoke her days were quite hectic with the kids, and her mother, who is not as well or active as she was once. The huge home to take care of and her husband’s needs; I could not think of why she was a bit overweight after being informed of how much she had to do. Her visit was also an opportunity to give a letter that contained personal information about me, should anything happen. She is called to the porch.
“I have done a Will and Last Testament, and here is some information you need to know should anything happen to me.”
Annette laughed as she said, “What do you need a Will for? You have nothing.” A comment made deceived from what the eyes saw. A comment she made that could and may have applied to her. For the things seen are temporary, but the things unseen are everlasting.
“Don’t be an ass. Once a person starts to invest, they should make a Last Will and Testament. This way, the little material or financial wealth they have is not taken by the government. If you are smart, you will do the same, and lord knows how they are.”
“Who are you talking about?”
“The government, that’s who,” I responded, laughing. “They give with one hand and take back with the other.”
Annette laughed as she replied, “You are so right.” She stretched forth her hand to accept the letter, and that is when I saw her scarred hand.
“What the hell happened here?” I asked in a fear-filled whisper.
“I was cooking a dish I saw on TV. The oil in the wok was too hot when I threw in the ingredients. It flared up, and I jumped, knocking the wok over onto myself.”
“Oh, my, look at your hand.” I felt so sad for her.
“Third-degree burn!” she exclaimed.
“Gee.” Then I said playfully, “You should have been more careful trying to cook China man’s food.”
She smiled. “I should have.” She says before putting it in her handbag. She took the letter and showed her husband, who briefly looked it over.
I took them to the Eaton Center, and after a meal. The children and her husband spent some time looking around the mall, while we had more time to talk, catching up on past times. After the mall, they drove back to the States. I got to work an hour later than the usual start of my shift, which was at 3:00 PM. Annette’s visit had left me with feelings of sadness and fear. Fearful because of the hand I saw in my dream. It seemed to be the right hand, the palms outward open; perhaps a foresight, but because most of my visions were becoming more apparent lately, the fear for others was becoming more real to my senses.
10,000 Dreams Explained: The hand is the body’s most expressive part and denotes power and creativity. The right hand is power; the left is passive and receptive. An open hand represents justice… A raised hand indicates adoration, prayer, or surrender if turned outward; a blessing is given. Then, I was given a blessing. Thanks!
Thank you for reading, for feeling, and for walking with me through Part 1. Part 2 is coming soon.












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