✨ Author’s Reflection: The Meaning Behind the Title
Part two – Chapter 2 – Would You Follow Your Shepherd’s Call?
This chapter explores moments when the mind and body drift apart—when we move through life unaware, disconnected, or confused. The title, Would You Follow Your Shepherd’s Call?, is not just a spiritual question—it’s a psychological one. It asks whether we are attuned to the voice that guides us, whether divine, intuitive, or internal. It challenges us to think about being lost, asleep, or overwhelmed. Do we recognize the call to return to ourselves during these times?
In this chapter, I share firsthand experiences of disorientation and panic. There are moments when my body moved without my awareness. There were also times when memory failed me. These are not just physical events—they are metaphors for the human condition.
One evening—my first at the residence—I had an out-of-body experience. As I lay sleeping, I felt my force leaving my body. I could see myself lying in bed as I exited through the window beside me. Yes, this is truth. How could I doubt Rudolf? I was not on drugs—no marijuana, no alcohol. It was real.
Another incident occurred during a winter month while I was working the evening shift at a bakery through an agency. During a break, I moved my phone from my back pocket to the front. I wanted to avoid sitting on it. I did the same with my keys. Minutes later, I went to the washroom to tidy up before returning to the floor. As I pulled down my jeans, I noticed the keys were missing. Panic rose. I checked the toilet, the floor—nothing. After using the washroom, I rushed back to the lunchroom. No keys. The woman who had sat nearby hadn’t seen them. I informed the supervisor, and together we searched everywhere. Near the end of the shift, I was called to the manager’s office. He reviewed the cameras and confirmed everything I’d described—except what happened in the washroom.
He suggested checking the garbage bins. Why would someone throw away keys? I thought. After he left, I returned to the washroom, checked the bin, my coat pockets, even asked others to notify management if they found a set of keys. As I left the washroom, I felt something near the lower front of my foot. I reached down—it was the keys.
Had I forgotten moving them? No. Had I felt them during the shift? Not at all. It was as if my body had acted without my awareness. My sister Monica later helped me understand it was a fogged memory, a temporary lapse. Normally, pulling jeans down and up would keep items in place. But this time, the keys had vanished from my awareness.
This led me to question: what happens when the mind becomes confused or enters a sleepwalking state? From my experience, the mind can remain conscious—aware of surroundings and actions—while the body’s nerve senses are asleep. In such moments, the sense of touch disappears until a part of the brain reactivates those nerves, bringing the body back into full awareness. This sudden awakening can trigger panic, especially when the mind perceives danger or discomfort. The senses scramble, unsure of where you are or what’s happening.
I recall a tragic incident from years ago—one that never left me. A young Black boy, sleepwalking during the winter, left his apartment and made his way to his grandmother’s home. He died there, either unnoticed at the door or unable to knock. Though I’ve searched for records of this event, it seems to have faded from public view. But I remember. I share it here because it speaks of the quiet dangers that go unseen. It also highlights the importance of staying connected to those we love.
This state of mental absenteeism exists in society more than we realize. It’s often invisible, only surfacing in tragic headlines about missing persons or unexplained deaths. Many people live unaware of their own disconnection. That’s why communication is vital—between family, friends, and even professionals. A simple call can make a difference. And if one can afford it, speaking with a psychiatrist may help clear the mind. This can restore harmony between thought and feeling.
Thank you for reading and walking with me through my journey. Stay tuned for the week four caption. The memoir is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and on the Dorrance Publishing Company website: http://www.dorrancebookstore.com
Better The End 